Tag Archives: Comedy

Bloke with a Shed

I wrote this song when I first met Charles. And at last the track is ready to mix!  Steve Poulton’s playful instrumentation includes, yes …  the screw gun. And here’s a pic, (in case, like me, you hadn’t seen one before 🙂 )
Bloke with a Shed
I’m a savvy woman who likes to bed
An intelligent man – well bred
A creative type, artistically inclined
With a studio workshop of some kind
Yeah, maybe a bloke with a shed?

Hey wood-worker man! – you look the part
You can fix a fence and a broken heart
I like your shed, yeah, very nice
Look at that bench that buzzer, that vice
That welder – we could spark!

You’re a real bloke with power tools
Y’ gotta skill saw, drill press, very cool
Y’ gotta band saw, grinder, sander – geez, your
Power tools make me weak at the knees!
Y’ gotta nail gun, wow!  And I have to say
That screw gun honey, blows me away
Makes a gal so easily led
Lusting for a bloke – a bloke with a shed

Y’ got so much stuff that just might prove
To be handy one day, y’ cannot move
For number 8 wire, bolts & dust
Oily rags, car parts and rust
Old timber, wing nuts & glue  

This shed is such an awesome place
A heritage spot, a sacred space
You could open it up for public viewing
Earn a fortune while you’re – knitting
(But I see that look on your face …)

You’re just you – don’t realise
How attractive you are as the varnish dries
What is this? Is this for me?
Will I be your girl? Certainly!  Woah!

Y’ gotta nail gun, wow!  And I have to say
That screw gun honey, blows me away
Happy ending! Paint the town red to
Show how much I lust ya, my bloke with a shed!
My bloke with a shed!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Black

Do you ‘wear the uniform?’ Being such a sweaty colour, is black cool? What percentage of your wardrobe is black? And do you think Baby Boomer Girl looks slim in that black wig & Gothic getup? 🙂  (she figured black deserved a new song … )

Black © Radha Sahar

Black as jet, black as night
Colour’s wrong, black is right
Black magic at witching hour
Black has balls. Black has power
Gothic girl, Dracula drools
Vampire black, very cool
A Mahler Symphony, a bouncer, a waiter
Not in black? Then see ya later

Black – makes your Guinness thicker
Black – makes your tyres turn quicker
Black –  makes your belly disappear
Black –  as that sexy underwear!
Black – makes you graduate prouder
Black –  makes your stereo louder
Black – makes your banker grin and
Black – makes the All Blacks win! Yeah
Black! Beautiful black

I bet ya you have never seen
Johnny Cash or Iggy Pop in pink or green
Black leather boots. Black spinning vinyl
Black undertaker. Black is final
From top to toe in formals and burkas
Artists to slimmers and office workers
Wear that black – It’s a guarantee
You’ll be taken seriously …

We buck the system, refuse to conform
But we choose to wear the uniform
A sea of people in the street
Black from their heads to their
Burdened urban feet …

Black – makes you’re Guiness thicker
Black – makes your tyres turn quicker …
Black – makes your banker grin, and
Black – makes the All Blacks win! Yeah
Black!   Beautiful black!  Glorious black!
Victorious black!

1 Comment

Filed under The Music of Life

Songline Running

BBG_YES_webYou’re a creative type? Love the buzz of that busy mind bursting forth new ideas? Of course! There’s only one little hiccup; a bug in the cranial software. It’s called ‘conscience’.

This little pest insists on telling you you should be exercising (just when you thought you’d mastered the fabulously healthy skill of dismissing all ‘shoulds’).  It gnaws at you with the ‘exercise’ message, ensuring you faintly recall a virtuous feeling you had when you did some years ago. But a huge groan keeps pace with conscience, fuelling an ongoing battle for songwriters like me, who are notorious for not exercising anything other than the mind. Until now.

Today,  a new sport, Songline Running, invented itself. And it’s not the regular sport of running with headphones on.  It goes like this:

You take up Songline Running, (having a name for something always helps).  In your first session, totally new, (and, you tell yourself, ‘vastly better’), songlines run through your mind as you run – (and, you tell yourself, this is the only way they come in at this level). Even miniature runs yield this quality of creative occurrences.  I call my miniature runs ‘shuffles’ …

Then follows the best bit. You treat yourself with the well deserved REWARD – (you might need to picture the reward before you begin, to get you out the door in the first place). And the reward is? Vastly better songlines of course, (or poetry if you’re a poet, novel ideas if you’re a novelist, and so on). You get to slam all that breakthrough, higher level brilliance into your songwriting software the moment you get home. Athletes call this a ‘warm down’ – you see them stretching in all sorts of gangly poses after the run. But for we ‘arteests’ the best ‘warm down’ is to ‘get it down’ … I’ve just completed my first Songline Run and I couldn’t wait to tell you!  I’m FULL of world-shattering new ideas.

Next time I post a song, you’ll be so impressed you’ll immediately take up the sport yourself, (that is, unless you’re already impressed with this triumphant little article, in which case, you’ll take up the sport now). OK. I’ve warmed down getting this all down. And I’ve popped those gorgeous new lines into my songwriting software, which I reckon is thanking me. Now it’s time for brekkies.

5 Comments

Filed under The Music of Life, What's Behind the Song

Defy Gravity – Uplift that Sagging Body!

A Happy EndingLadies!
1. Is everything in your body falling down?
2. Do your going-out garments have to have ‘nice little cover-up sleeves’?
3. Is your mental composure lost at the look of your anatomy while engaging in a forward bend?

Having answered yes to the above, I had to do something about it. I tried the gym … and lasted about two minutes. Then, breakthrough … a way to get my stubbornly sagging biceps to actual lift off point. This song does the trick! Try it yourself – download the lyric, pin it on the wall as a reminder, or dance along. Turn  that wrinkled flab into wings!

Gravity  

Good old Newton had a flash
Evolved the idea, gave it a bash
Wrote it on paper for all to see
And now we have the theory of gravity
What was firm is not so sound
What stayed up must come down
Look at great grandma and you will see
The long term effect of gravity!

Gravity, gravity
It’s all happening to you & me
Everything’s falling down, you see
Y’ gotta laugh in the face of gravity

What was tight is growing slack. You want your youthful figure back
Hormones, botox and breast reduction, face lift, tummy lift, liposuction
Work – Meanwhile y’ can’t go wrong uplifting the lot in dance and song
Forget the lines, ladies! Sing with me, and laugh in the face of gravity

Gravity, gravity – It’s all happening to you & me …

But Newton’s in a grave situation
Physicists across the nation say
Our subatomic essence is totally free
Beyond the pull of gravity!

Quantum physics says your face consists of little – mainly space
Celebrate! It could be worse – Our essence is the universe!
So why not entertain this truth & drink from the quantum fountain of youth?
Uplift that gynecology, and laugh in the face of gravity!

Gravity, gravity, it’s all happening to you & me
Everything’s falling down, you see
Gotta laugh in the face of gravity

Gravity – Free download lyrics

© Radha Sahar, February 2009

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Download Song Lyics, The Music of Life, What's Behind the Song

Paws … Pause

BoomerAgeI like using humour when it comes to ‘don’t mention it’ aspects of being a woman at the esteemed ‘mature & wise’ stage of life … Enjoy!

Paws
© 2013 Radha Sahar

Women, they say, are like a book
Hard to read but it’s easy to look
They might dress up in leopard skin tights
They’re animal types
When they set their sights on you

They’re either apples, bananas or pears
But I say women are cuddly bears
They might dress down for menial chores
But love’s in store
When they wrap their paws around you

Now it’s time to pause
For more than a cup of tea
Yes it’s time to pause babe, and
Wrap your paws, your pretty paws around me!

Women are beautiful at every age
Even at the ‘don’t mention it’ stage
When roller-coaster moods subside
They’re free! They find that that pause
Makes them wise – very wise!

Now it’s time to  pause …

Women turn up with plates of food
Often in a playful mood
Wild cats or quiet birds in the nest
You are blessed
Coz they give their best to you

Now it’s time to pause
For more than a cup of tea
It’s time to pause, and
Wrap your paws, your pretty paws around me!

Paws – pause to download the lyrics

2 Comments

Filed under Download Song Lyics, The Music of Life, What's Behind the Song

Yummy Food Avatar Style and Losing Weight!

Free Food ImageApologies for the looooooooong silence: it has taken me a year to find out how to really attain a ‘Body Like an Avatar Alien’. (see x2 past posts on this all-engrossing topic 🙂 ). I’m well on the way now, having discovered the secret I’d been searching for this past 12 months. It was right in front of my eyes: Plants! Plant-based Wholefood nutrition is the key. I’ve shed 8 kilos without trying, and I’m singing like a million dollars. When I’m down another 3 or 4, I’ll post a skite pic and a new song to go with it …

Meanwhile,  let’s journey back to Pandora, and see exactly how those Navi Aliens maintain perfect health and their slim, blue waists.

What is Plant-based Wholefood Nutrition?
It is eating a balanced diet of plants and unprocessed, plant-based foods: that’s all they eat there on Pandora. And it’s what our human ancestors ate way back in our primate days.

Meeting up with all those gorgeous Aliens munching vegetation, I asked them “You’re not Vegan are you?”
They told me that, in common with vegans on Planet Earth, they don’t eat animal foods. Like vegans they eat plant foods. But they are horrified at what can constitute ‘plant foods’ here on Earth: highly processed foods such as white flour, sugar and oil. The Navi won’t touch those, as they are not whole foods.  Like vegans they have compassion for animals and so don’t eat them. But the Navi Plant-based heritage is centred primarily on health.

Why don’t they eat Oils?
The Navi tell me that ‘healthy oils’ are the oils inherent in whole foods themselves. There is no need to eat that refined oil stuff we have on Earth: it is far healthier to not eat it. While oil is essential to their health, all the oil they need can be adequately sourced from plants – even the omegas. That goes for we humans too, they said.

Do the Aliens only eat Raw Foods?
So far they seemed to have no particular emphasis on raw, though they eat lots of it!  But they eat cooked too.  They told me that this enables them to get more balanced nutrition, and better protein levels. The foods they cook are mainly those either not healthy or not easy to eat raw – e.g. potatoes, soy, dhal & beans, grains (yes, they love those foods up there on Pandora too!). Together with greens, these provide the Navi with complete protein, and billions of micro nutrients. They prefer including legumes & grains to the high intake of nuts & seeds, dried fruit and rare superfoods needed in a dedicated raw food regime.

Did this Way of Eating Originate on Planet Pandora?
It did. but it also did on Planet Earth at the same time – amazing eh!  With their extra-terrestrial powers, the Navi have been able to watch us down here on planet Earth. They were happy that plant-based wholefood nutrition formed the predominant content of the human diet for millennia. They knew that peoples such as the Inuit, the Tibetans, and others in cold climates evolved to eat animals; – they had no other choice – not many plants grew there!). Humans have always eaten some form of animal food, which would’ve been necessary to get Vit B12. But aside from the wealthy elite, they ate much smaller quantities than we do today. The Navi are so evolved they even synthesize their own B12 – they reckon we’ll evolve to that too!

Well, thanks guys! I’m sold. I’ve been vegetarian for forty years, all the time struggling somewhat with my weight. Hey – I wasn’t gross, but I did need to get into that good BMI level. The secret for me was taking those extra few steps – cutting out animal foods, oil, sugar and processed food. I have never felt better!  Charles & I will be giving a presentation on it on Tuesday (23rd Aug), via the Transition Town movement. Venue: Alicetown Community Centre, Victoria St, Lower Hutt. Time: 7.30pm. Gold coin donation on the door.
Meanwhile , the following  ‘Earthly’ credits are due …

The contemporary plant-based whole-food movement, where no animal protein is eaten, grew from research done by several American nutritionists, doctors and scientists. At the core are Dr T Colin Campbell, (Professor Emeritus, Biochemistry & Nutrition, Cornell University), Dr Caldwell Esselstyn, (heart surgeon, Cleveland Clinic), Drs Dean Ornish & John McDougall, John Robbins. (see the bios in the last section of the Presentation Folder).  Find out more on the T Colin Campbell Foundation website.

2 Comments

Filed under Health Viewpoint, What's Behind the Song

Baby Boomer Girl – a Boomer of a Band!

.
.
.
.

A triumphant Baby Boomer Girl, the band, rocked Wellington fans at their launch,  Saturday 12th June, delivering an energetic set of pithy & humorous original material to a boomer audience. From crowd-shouter, Black – (Gothic metal topped with a black wig) –  to ‘play it again’ Baby Boomer Girl signature song, the audience was right there relating to both groove and lyrics. General feedback: Great songs!

The programme opened with a close sound in the first set by Baby Boomer Girl duo, Bernard Wells & Radha Sahar. And yes, the audience feedback  confirmed “there were tears in our eyes” during DNA,  senses touched by Roll On and Captured, and knowing laughter during I Won’t Forget You and Wardrobe Full of Shoes. Thanks to engineer David Antony Clark’s skill on the desk, we enjoyed a resounding  “we could hear every word!”

During break people sipped mid-winter wine & punch and stocked up on Baby Boomer Girl tee shirts, singles and a memoir Live EP of the duo. Then a hushed audience adjusted their trilbys as the band juxtapositioned Radha’s ‘mother’s apron’ look with the rebellious Not Gonna be Invisible lyric, to a driving rock pace.

Evan Williams, an excellent drummer, and Matt Parlane on a mean bass, are known for their talent in bands such as  Pearl, the JediNites and the Cattlestops. Bernard Wells is a well known and much loved multi-instrumentalist in acoustic bands such as Chilli Jam, Ballyscully, Dargaville and his duo with Peter Daly. In his move to electric guitar in Baby Boomer Girl Wells gets a great  sound in tasteful licks and raunchy rock lead breaks. Together with Radha’s strong vocal sound and energetic rhythm guitar, the band earned an enthusiastic ‘Cool!‘  from boomers, teens & twenties alike.

Look out for the Baby Boomer Girl band and duo.  Be there – introduce yourself – we’d love to meet you!

From left: Bernard Wells, electric guitar, Evan Williams, drums, Radha Sahar, acoustic guitar, Matt Parlane, bass.

4 Comments

Filed under The Music of Life

A Body Like an Avatar Alien, part 2

Here it is!!! – my new Avatar body – not bad eh!

Now before you elaborate on the finer differences between me and the Navi Babe in part 1, realise we are on another planet. Here on Pandora there is no way you would learn about food in terms of slimming; that is such an unheard of idea!

Here on Pandora your body is simply a result of an attitude of gratitude for what little un-poisonous food there is around. Food does not come neatly processed and stacked on supermarket shelves. You have to hunt and gather.

You skip through the forest collecting ripe treats here and there. It’s tempting to graze but you learn that food is actually precious. The protocol is gathering and hunting for the whole family – none of this individual indulgence stuff. You will get what you need and no more – no private pigging out! Anorexia? Bulimia? Obesity? – such diseases of ‘civilisation’ do not occur here.  Meanwhile, your morning hunt has taken all morning; what happened to breakfast?

Panic. Everyone on Earth insisted on eating breakfast. Will you die if you skip it? There’s plenty of pure water, and the Avatar Tea in your hunting pouch sports a little milk; just enough protein to keep you going. By midday you experience a new feeling – hunger!!! You realise what you used to call hunger was just your stomach rumbling around in digestion mode. Real hunger feels different – primal and healthy. It only occurs in waves every four to six daylight hours. The Navi explain that they still observe the ancient ways; the ancestors ate according to the sparse cycle of hunger –  if there was food to go around.

So much for all the slimming tips and recipes you had secretly hoped to pick up during your training! Evidently the apex of your induction has just been reached. You aimed, you fired and you’re on target. You now have the knowledge you need to get a body like an Avatar Alien:  be active & eat healthy food in small amounts when you’re genuinely hungry, period. Back to Earth … Galump!

Oh well, there are zillions of books on what foods are healthy, whole plant foods topping the list, so ignorance won’t be a problem.  Gratitude, healthy choices and sharing look like being the big lessons; not taking more than we need is easier said than done. As mother used to say “Give thanks”, “Eat your greens” and “Think of all the starving children.” Indeed.

All your extra indulgences now go into the food bank trolley at the supermarket – lots of struggling families now, what with the recession and all … You tune into the old body, or the young body, whatever you happen to be blessed with, and find you’re gradually turning a rather triumphant shade of blue …

🙂 Thank you, readers, in anticipation!

Supporting each other to reach ‘the goal’, I think we’re going to need a good number of comments below. What tips do you have on taking only enough of the foods that keep you healthy and fit?


12 Comments

Filed under Health Viewpoint, What's Behind the Song

Free Food

Free Food ImageThanks for your feedback on Have a Body Like an Avatar Alien … Evidently all the food on planet Pandora is Plant-Based and free! That got me thinking … Life is for living. Love is for giving, stirring us into acts of humanity, like donating food to the poor and eating less so others can have more. This magnanimous gesture will help you attain your Avatar body faster too! The Na’vi want me to write a ‘Free Food’ song  …

Free Food
When we were kids, food was free all day
Didn’t know mama and daddy had to pay
We just filled our plates and ate away

Free food, let it be, dude, free food!
Free food, let it be, dude, free food!
Free food, let it be. Hey Jude!
May you and all have free food!

Now its
Meat free, egg free, dairy free out there
Gluten free and sugar free everywhere
We’re sussed. It surely must be we can share

Free food, let it be, dude, free food …
For Africa, for Timor and Bengal
For war zones & for poor homes. Why do we stall?
We’ve grown enough for years to feed them all

So …
Free food, let it be, dude, free food!
Free food, let it be, dude, free food!
Free food, let it be. Hey Jude!
May you and all have free food!

Free Food – download the lyrics

6 Comments

Filed under Download Song Lyics, Health Viewpoint, The Music of Life, What's Behind the Song

Woody Allen Wishes

It’s that time of the year when we all start clowning around in celebratory mood, sending each other cards  & wishes, and stocking up the pantry with all sorts of goodies (and badies!). Bars and restaurants boom with end-of-year work functions, and life just speeds up …  Perhaps we’ll reach a velocity where Woody’s wishes will come true?   Thanks Louise for emailing me this with your smiles for the silly-season.  I pass them on to all my blog-reading friends – look forward to seeing you all in the ultimate BOOM – the big bang!

Image with Text

Image with quote

.

3 Comments

Filed under What's Behind the Song